New Year’s Resolutions

Already nine months into service, there are a lot of things that are going well. Things that didn’t go well initially have been remedied for the most part. I’m pleased with my work and the life that I’ve created here so far but I know that there is still a lot to do and I look forward to taking on some more responsibilities in the coming year.

On a personal level, I’m enjoying the journey I am on even if there have been times of deep doubt. I have already learned a lot of things about myself, many of which I am proud of. I also know that I have a lot to work on when it comes to my negative behaviors, specifically patience and understanding. Sometimes it is not always easy for me to remain patient because I just don’t understand people. That frequently leads me to get annoyed. Already I’ve been in situations where I’ve had to work with others that are disrespectful, difficult to trust or grudge-bearing and I’ve had to adapt and learn how to make things work. It’s improved me for the better but there is still much more to do.

I’ve learned that it’s a fine line between doing what it takes to keep the peace and becoming a martyr, and I’ve often felt completely in the middle of these two things and unhappy because of it. I feel like I apologize far too much in an effort to please people and keep things running smoothly. While I have no trouble expressing my feelings and ideas, I feel that they aren’t always heard with the same respect that I listen to others. This also causes frustration for me because respect is so important. Sometimes I wonder where my spine has gone in the time since I’ve been here because I find myself tolerating far more things than I ever would have in the United States. There have also been times of great disappointment in people and sometimes in myself, so I also need to consider expectations and their dangers.

My resolution this year is really a couple of things: to work on being more patient and understanding; to not be afraid to stick up for myself, even if it isn’t what people want to hear; to not be so accommodating; to not be as demanding; and to be as realistic as possible with expectations. I’m also trying to work on a balance of giving back to people no more and no less what they give to me; I believe in reciprocity and equality in every kind of relationship.