With my tickets booked and my departure from Albania set for April 28th, it’s time to lift the slight veil of denial that I’ve been living under: I am leaving and it is going to be soon. The focus now shifts to finishing up all the administrative tasks, tying up all the loose ends and thinking about ways to say my goodbyes.
At our close of service conference in February, Peace Corps glazed over what will come to be the future realities for many of us. Amongst the areas of concern for volunteers ending their service are: loss of status, loss of community (other volunteers); loss of family; a change in lifestyle and routine; and general readjustment issues. Those are a lot of things to handle, which is probably one of the reasons that Peace Corps offers a voucher for three one-hour therapy sessions if necessary. We can talk all we want about the experience but it is very hard to find actual understanding amongst the ones we left behind all these months.
I just finished watching Lost, which is easily one of the best series I’ve ever watched. One of the main messages of the show is about life’s journey and the people that make our adventures so interesting. This Peace Corps experience has been a tremendous journey – emotionally, mentally and physically. And just like the experience on the island, my time here has been marked and colored by all the personal interactions and relationships I’ve had. You cannot separate the people from the experience.
It is time to think about the end and what comes next. For many of us, these answers are not clear. It’s a fact that exacerbates the angst and anxiety. We will return to the West and be thrust back into the American way of doing things – at a pace that we haven’t been accustomed to in some time. Returning home and trying to create some semblance of structure will be challenging. We are saying goodbye to 2-3 hour work days, coffees on the beach and traveling whenever we want. For those of us that derive so much satisfaction from work, the desire for routine and purpose is even more complicated considering the weak job market.
Aside from the fear comes the excitement and the pride. The excitement of being able to let go and embrace whatever comes next, even if it’s unknown. If there is one time in my life where I can afford to roll the dice and take a risk, it’s now. It is time to start the next chapter of my life, and although I can’t see it clearly, I can see the outline of what is in store and I am moving ever closer to it. I can also look back at this experience and think about the changes I’ve made and the work that I’ve done… and be proud.
I ran into an older volunteer at our Peace Corps dentist last week. “You’re going to Germany I hear,” she said. “I think that’s great for you. I think this experience has really opened you up. I was just telling someone that the other day.” I asked her what her plans were. “I don’t know, I was going to be home and be a grandma but I don’t think they will need me since my daughter-in-law has a job where she can stay home.” I said I was scared about not having a job and all the unknowing, but that I was just trying to let go, be open and go with the flow. “It’s amazing what will happen if you just let go… things have a way of working out,” she said. These types of sentiments have flavored a lot of my interactions the past few weeks and will continue long after I leave.
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