As I near the one-month mark, changes that I always knew would come are arriving rapidly, one right after the other.
Perhaps my only concern for the next two years is the health of my grandmother. At 81 years old, she’s lived through it all. She’s lost many of the people she loved the most and has still done what we do: we continue to live despite our losses. Her health has been decreasing gradually and we will all have to make some difficult decisions soon about all of our futures. Will she be able to continue living by herself? Will she move in with my parents? Will she have to move to an assisted living center? There are so many questions, complicated by the fact that she is often uncooperative in her dealings with those that try to help her the most and her unwillingness to take small measures to improve her quality of life. I don’t have any other remaining grandparents, but I believe that these kinds of difficulties come to call on many families.
It is also not beyond reason that these last weeks will be the final ones we have together. I always think of my grandmother as a kind of parental figure, since I spent so much time with her during my elementary and middle school years before we moved into town and I stopped getting off the bus at her house. I credit her for a lot of my better qualities, like my love of learning, and some of my bad qualities, like my occasional stubbornness. I think in many ways that our next parting will be in both of our minds as potentially our last. But in the end, as we begin to feel the pain of mortality, we must be grateful for our temporary time on earth and the people and memories that have made our experience human. A professor of mine once told me that she never felt that her grandma ever really died—but instead, that her grandmother was always with her. That has always stuck with me. Maybe it is the destiny of the ones that we love and lose, to be omnipresent as we continue our lives and remember the love will always bind us.
And as doors open in Albania, they also close here.
My time at the after school program is almost over. I can’t believe it’s been almost six months already. Although I was not happy about putting my Peace Corps departure off by several more months to gain experience tutoring, everything has worked out for the best. I have learned so much working with these K-5 students and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to have had them in my life, however brief. Their personalities and interests were so amazing to me. They are so passionate about certain topics—we’ve already gone through some super hero, Titanic and Guinness Book of World Records phases—that you can’t help but become wrapped up in their enthusiasm. Although I have serious concerns about the future of the world, working with children has given me a lot of hope. Working with them has changed me in ways I never would have expected, so much so that I can’t imagine not becoming a parent some day. If you would have asked me that question seven months ago, I probably would have had to flash the “no” card. Children can change you for the better and bring out your best. I don’t think I want to miss out on it. As for the getting married question… I’m going to have to get back to you on that one.
